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Halloween: nothing is scarier than a noindex left in production. Free shipping from €59 Printed to order in Barjac, France
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Top 100 SEO gifts

The products that make the most SEOs laugh, ranked like a giant marketplace's best sellers. Funnier, and with no disguised ads.

Until the first sales, this is an editorial ranking: our favourites. As soon as orders come in, real sales take over.

#1 Position 0: the answer to "what to get an SEO"

Disallow: /mondays

Disallow: /mondays

from€33.90

robots.txt is the small file that tells search engine bots which parts of a site are off-limits. This one is for real life: Mondays, meetings and video calls are blocked, happy hour is wide open, and a two-coffee delay is required between visits. Small catch: Google ignores the Crawl-delay rule. So does your manager.

Jargon level 2/5: Accessible Accessible

See number one
#3
FAQ: it depends – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

FAQ: it depends

€33.90 Jargon level 2/5: Accessible
#4
loading="lazy" – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

loading="lazy"

from€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#6
Hide a body: page 2 – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Hide a body: page 2

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#8
Crawled, not indexed – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Crawled, not indexed

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#9
Results: 3 to 6 months – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Results: 3 to 6 months

€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#11
Just a little tweak – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Just a little tweak

from€33.90 Jargon level 2/5: Accessible
#12
Make the logo bigger – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Make the logo bigger

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#13
Friday, 5:58 pm – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Friday, 5:58 pm

from€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#14
Blocked by robots.txt – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Blocked by robots.txt

from€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#15
147 tabs – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

147 tabs

from€33.90 Jargon level 2/5: Accessible
#16
It doesn't work for me – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

It doesn't work for me

from€33.90 Jargon level 2/5: Accessible
#17
Opens Nov 1It’s the intent that counts – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

It’s the intent that counts

from€33.90 Jargon level 2/5: Accessible
#19
Opens Nov 1SEO is dead (says my uncle) – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

SEO is dead (says my uncle)

€33.90 Jargon level 2/5: Accessible
#22
Not orderable yetSEO obituary – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

SEO obituary

from€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#23
Not orderable yetThe over-optimized t-shirt – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

The over-optimized t-shirt

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#24
Not orderable yetCrawl budget 2% – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Crawl budget 2%

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#25
Not orderable yetalt="The SEO who warned you" – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

alt="The SEO who warned you"

from€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#26
Not orderable yetA night's breadcrumb trail – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

A night's breadcrumb trail

from€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#27
Not orderable yet302 – Be right back – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

302 – Be right back

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#28
Not orderable yetHeading hierarchy – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Heading hierarchy

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#29
Not orderable yetI'm the original – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

I'm the original

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#30
Not orderable yethreflang en-yall – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

hreflang en-yall

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#31
Not orderable yetSEO is a long game – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

SEO is a long game

from€37.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#32
Not orderable yetMy JSON-LD – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

My JSON-LD

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#33
Not orderable yetTODO: optimize the SEO – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

TODO: optimize the SEO

from€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#34
Not orderable yetLong-tail query – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

Long-tail query

€37.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#35
Not orderable yetmotivation.js, deferred – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

motivation.js, deferred

€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#36
Not orderable yetV for valid – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

V for valid

from€32.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#37
Not orderable yetFriday sitemap – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Friday sitemap

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#38
Not orderable yetrel="nofollow" for my ex – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

rel="nofollow" for my ex

€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#39
Not orderable yet<title>Home</title> – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

<title>Home</title>

€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#40
Not orderable yetVital signs: excellent – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

Vital signs: excellent

from€32.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#41
Not orderable yetgit blame robots.txt – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

git blame robots.txt

€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#42
Not orderable yetx-robots-tag: noindex – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

x-robots-tag: noindex

€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#43
Not orderable yet418 – I'm a teapot – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

418 – I'm a teapot

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#44
Not orderable yetTruncated at 155 characters – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

Truncated at 155 characters

€34.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#45
Not orderable yet410 Gone – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

410 Gone

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#46
Not orderable yet503 – On vacation – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

503 – On vacation

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#47
Not orderable yetCtrl + F5 – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Ctrl + F5

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#48
Not orderable yetdress.txt – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

dress.txt

from€44.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#49
Not orderable yetIt's DNS propagation – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

It's DNS propagation

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#50
Not orderable yetutm_source=fridge – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

utm_source=fridge

from€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#51
Not orderable yet4.9 stars (2 reviews) – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

4.9 stars (2 reviews)

from€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#52
Not orderable yetMinified version – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

Minified version

from€31.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#53
Not orderable yetExplaining SEO to my mom – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Explaining SEO to my mom

from€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#54
Not orderable yetSummer traffic: going down – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

Summer traffic: going down

from€31.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#55
Not orderable yetPeople also ask – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

People also ask

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#56
Not orderable yetTruncated meta description – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Truncated meta description

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#57
Not orderable yetHead of noindex – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

Head of noindex

from€39.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#58
Not orderable yet(not provided) – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

(not provided)

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#59
Not orderable yet(direct) / (none) – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

(direct) / (none)

€33.90 Jargon level 5/5: Hardcore
#60
Not orderable yetThe client's curve – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

The client's curve

€33.90 Jargon level 2/5: Accessible
#61
Not orderable yetNo #1 ranking guaranteed – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

No #1 ranking guaranteed

from€39.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#62
Not orderable yetLong tail – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Long tail

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#63
Not orderable yetKeywords of my life – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Keywords of my life

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#64
Not orderable yetCore Web Vitals (localhost) – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Core Web Vitals (localhost)

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#65
Not orderable yetHibernation mode – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

Hibernation mode

from€54.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#66
Not orderable yetMy link-juice family tree – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

My link-juice family tree

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#67
Not orderable yetclick here – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

click here

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#68
Not orderable yetHood up, incognito mode – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

Hood up, incognito mode

from€49.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#69
Not orderable yetMy network is private – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

My network is private

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#70
Not orderable yetdisavow.txt – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

disavow.txt

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#71
Not orderable yetCited, no link – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Cited, no link

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#72
Not orderable yetgzip enabled – Adult apparel
seoaddict.co › Adult apparel

gzip enabled

from€69.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#73
Not orderable yetGEO strategy v1.0 – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

GEO strategy v1.0

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#74
Not orderable yetllms.txt – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

llms.txt

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#75
Not orderable yetI Claude, you Claude… – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

I Claude, you Claude…

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#76
Not orderable yetCrawling in progress – Kids and babies
seoaddict.co › Kids and babies

Crawling in progress

€26.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#77
Not orderable yetclaude (v.) – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

claude (v.)

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#78
Not orderable yetManners, in tokens – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Manners, in tokens

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#79
Not orderable yetDuplicate content – Kids and babies
seoaddict.co › Kids and babies

Duplicate content

€19.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#80
Not orderable yetIt worked in the chat – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

It worked in the chat

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#81
Not orderable yetReviewed by nobody – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Reviewed by nobody

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#82
Not orderable yetAccept all (without reading) – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Accept all (without reading)

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#83
Not orderable yetSEO intern, unpaid – Kids and babies
seoaddict.co › Kids and babies

SEO intern, unpaid

€24.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#84
Not orderable yetContext: 100% – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Context: 100%

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#85
Not orderable yetI count my tokens – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

I count my tokens

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#86
Not orderable yet/compact my week – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

/compact my week

€33.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#87
Not orderable yet404, sock not found – 404 socks
seoaddict.co › 404 socks

404, sock not found

€19.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#88
Not orderable yetMy pair programmer – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

My pair programmer

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#89
Not orderable yet4-min audit, 3-hour meeting – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

4-min audit, 3-hour meeting

from€33.90 Jargon level 2/5: Accessible
#90
Not orderable yetIt's a hallucination – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

It's a hallucination

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#91
Not orderable yetAbove the fold – Caps, bucket hats, fanny packs and aprons
seoaddict.co › Caps, bucket hats, fanny packs and aprons

Above the fold

€27.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#92
Not orderable yetGenerated by a prompt – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Generated by a prompt

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#93
Not orderable yetHuman in the loop – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Human in the loop

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#94
Not orderable yetClaude me if you can – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Claude me if you can

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#95
Not orderable yetLong distance crawler – Caps, bucket hats, fanny packs and aprons
seoaddict.co › Caps, bucket hats, fanny packs and aprons

Long distance crawler

€27.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#96
Not orderable yetThe terminal is crying – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

The terminal is crying

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#97
Not orderable yetWe used to code – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

We used to code

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#98
Not orderable yetEsc, Esc – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

Esc, Esc

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider
#99
Not orderable yetUser-agent: Bob – Caps, bucket hats, fanny packs and aprons
seoaddict.co › Caps, bucket hats, fanny packs and aprons

User-agent: Bob

€29.90 Jargon level 4/5: Deep insider
#100
Not orderable yetCLAUDE.md – T-shirts
seoaddict.co › T-shirts

CLAUDE.md

€33.90 Jargon level 3/5: Insider

Pareto applies to clothing too: a handful of products make most of the sales. Until the first orders come in, this ranking is editorial (our favourites, and we own it). As soon as sales arrive, they take over: nobody pays to be in this Top.

Personalisation · 30 seconds

Shall we get acquainted?

Your answers stay in this browser. We do not store them or turn them into a marketing persona.

Wishlist

Your page, with your name on it

No account, no email. This browser keeps the key to edit the page. The page is not indexed: only people with the link can see it.

Group gift

Gift it together

  1. You open the pot: it gets its own page, with the look and the target amount.
  2. Everyone chips in online (card or PayPal) and leaves a note. Everyone sees who gave what and what is missing.
  3. With each contribution, you get an email with the pot's code. Its value follows the total collected: use it to order the look.

Which size for the sized pieces?

Not sure: the size guide

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